I hope your 2019 is off to a great start. My family spent the New Year in Malaysia where we had lots of time to unplug, and read, and listen at the beginning of the year. After that, it's been a bit of a hustle getting the year going. Finding the balance between all we need/want to do and creating that space for listening can be a challenge. In fact, many of you responded in the reader survey saying you struggle with finding time for spiritual practices that allow you to hear from God.
The majority of those who responded to the question "How would you describe your current relationship with God?" said "I know God is present but I can't hear. I feel like my old spiritual practices aren't working for me." I hope this will be a place where you can explore ways to create space with new (or some contemplative practices that are very ancient, in fact) ways of listening for God's voice that will create space for God to speak to you.
You said you wanted to learn in areas of spiritual practices, listening through contemplation, and social issues/justice. As we seek to not only listen but live as learners, I pray this space will help us be people who truly take what we hear and are moved by it join God in the work of restoration of all things.
So, I hope this monthly roundup will be helpful for you as you seek to create space to listen to God, to learn from others, and to lead lives that live. Welcome to the first edition of Creating Space!
Please, respond and let me know what you like, what you want to see more of, and how you are finding ways to create space for listening and learning in your own lives.
Listening with you,
WHERE I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS MONTH:
"But as I live in the tension of minimalism and consumerism, I don’t want to be fooled into thinking owning less means more joy." Is It Our Homes or Hearts That Need Tidying Up?, At Red Letter Christians
"The sound is overwhelming so I flick on the fan to drown it out. Sometimes the silence can be too painful to let in so I shut it out. I don’t want to hear it speak." To Hear the Silence Speak, At SheLoves Magazine
"For a few more hours she will hold her vigil over us while we love and ache, live and die, come close and push away. His vigil will continue long after hers ends. Above us, within us. " Stuck Between Two Homes, At Fathom Magazine
"I don’t believe in clean breaks. Wounds don’t just heal, leaving no evidence behind. Healing does come. But scars remain. Scars remind." Remembering How to Fly, At The Mudroom
The post where I talk about my One Word for 2019. Picked a word this year? I'd love to hear. Catch my post Still.
A Movement Toward Stillness in which I talk about the years-long tug towards a more contemplative faith and a less results-oriented spiritual practice.
IS STILLNESS WORTH THE RISK?
An exclusive Creating Space essay
I alternated between looking out over the crystal blue waters of the Andaman Sea and into her crystal blue eyes, anything to not look down at the treetops far below me. My nine-year old daughter's fingers dug into my palm and her breath was as raspy as my own. She shares more than my love of writing and dance; she got my aversion to risky adventures and heights. Yet, there were on the longest and steepest cable car in the world climbing high over the rainforest of Langkawi, Malaysia.
My husband and son, absolutely the opposite of us, were relaxed and laughing across from us. The sticky heat made the tiny gondola feel even smaller. I breathed a sigh of relief when we stepped out onto the mid-station platform. My ever-dramatic daughter stumbled out and gasped, "we survived!" I tried to slow my breathing and focus on the incredible views of the island instead of the fact that we had to get back onto the gondola to continue to the top of the mountain.
My husband gave me a funny look when he saw my thinly masked fear. "This is the one thing you said you wanted to do on the island," he said, questioningly. "That's because I knew it was the one thing youwanted to do," I responded. What I didn't say was that I want our children to believe they can do hard things, to face their fears. I want to believe I can.
Fear is a funny thing in the way it strikes us differently. It feels like it is just in my DNA to do things that send others into a panic - like crossing cultures and living in the developing world. But you will never find me jumping out of a plane unless it is going down. I feel queasy crossing long bridges.
And, believe it or not, I am apprehensive every time I hit “send” on an email to you, my blog subscribers (and wait to see how many people unsubscribe in the following days). I worry so much what others think. I worry if I am messing it all up, if I am saying it all right. Sometimes I want to stop writing altogether when I feel the weight of fearing my words will offend or wound.
"Coming face-to-face with your baggage - your sins, your wounds and pain, and the behavioral patterns you've created as a defense against these wounds and pain - is difficult,” says Michelle Derusha. “Likewise, beginning the process of allowing God to strip all that away can be terrifying, isolating, and very painful."
There is such risk involved in stillness, in truly believing that God is present and wants to speak. Really being quiet enough to listen means facing some really hard places inside ourselves and, to be honest, sometimes I don’t want to do the work. I don’t want to take the risk.
That view looking out over the island that day was worth the risk and the anxiety. I stood there with my family looking out over majesty I can’t describe and that photos cannot do justice to. I made sure to get someone to take a rare photo of the four of us together. I didn’t want to forget that moment and the way it spoke volumes to me of the Creator who lovingly made all of that grandeur.
Back on the ground and in my day-to-day life, the risk doesn’t feel as easy as getting on that gondola—and the rewards not as immediate. Some days I do everything I can to numb the pain of listening and fill the silence with more noise so I don’t have to hear. I am reading Ed Cyzewski’sFlee, Be Silent, Pray again and clinging to his words:
"It is true that learning contemplative prayer was far harder than I expected. I had to face a lot of pain and negativity I had ignored or overlooked...So much of my mental and spiritual health can hinge on whether I have intentionally made space for a moment of solitude, entered into silence, or reentered my thoughts by practicing the Examen at some point in the day."
Every day we have to be intentional to take the risk that stillness brings. We have to choose silence over more noise. We have to trust that God is waiting to work in ways we can’t yet see. We have to believe that the view from the top is worth the journey to get there.
"Perhaps it starts with noticing. Perhaps it starts with building in quiet and a splash of contemplation into our daily lives. I have found in my own life that it is much less about God being silent as it is about me creating space for God to show up. In fact, I have learned to practice the discipline of noticing. "
This piece by Carrie Kuba on using our prophetic imagination is challenging me to think about the ways I am noticing God's presence (or not).
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"If I am not satisfied with my identity as a beloved child of God, I'll forever search for substitutes that will forever let me down."
I am rereading Ed Cyzewski's Flee, Be Silent, Pray: Ancient Prayers for Anxious Christians and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to know where to start with contemplative prayer. Cyzewski is re-releasing an updated version of this book that continues to guide me in contemplative spiritual practices.
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In the afternoons I have a small window of time after work and before the kids are home from school. I've been riding my stationary bike while exploring new podcasts and have really been challenged by the Renovare podcast where Nathan Foster talks about spiritual formation.
Start with the last few episodes - they have been talking about discernment and knowing God's voice!
"It's His story that's begging us to become those who let go of playing tag with our own small dreams and take up the courageous act os sitting still long enough to listen and become those who know how to pay attention."
Tasha Jun's beautiful piece at (in)courage in December has me thinking about how listening to God naturally leads us to a place of learning from others–how God created us to belong to each other and how all our stories are wrapped up in the stories of others.
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Dear White Peacemakers -
Are you looking for black history month books? Osheta Moore wrote an incredible book on shalom and living wholeheartedly (check out Shalom Sistas) and hers is one podcast I listen to frequently. Here's a list of books she is suggesting on race. Oh my goodness, I read The Very Good Gospel (which is theologically rich and about so much more than race) and it's been rolling around in my mind for a month now. I will be writing about it for SheLoves Magazine's Red Couch Book Club in March.
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Learning from Diverse Voices - I want to read more this year but I have a bad habit of reading multiple books at once and not finishing some. I started tracking everything I'm reading (mostly on kindle and audible these days) on Goodreads. I set a challenge for myself to read 52 books this year. If you're on Goodreads, you can find me there. This is a great way to keep track of what you are reading. I am off to a good start (because of the Malaysia holiday where I finished about 6 books I had started last year).
I want to slow down and really wrestle with and chew on what I'm taking in, though. So I started two spreadsheets that I am checking regulary. After I finish reading a book, I go back and make a note of all the highlights I made and enter them on my "quotes" spreadsheet. This is a good way for me to come back to what I am learning later and see how God is speaking through these words.
On the second list, I note the topics and genres I am reading and the demographics of the authors (gender, ethnicity, religious affiliations, etc). This helps me be intentional in listening to diverse voices. I write in a lot of female-dominated spaces and so I read a lot of women authors. But I especially want to be listening to more writers of color this year. So if I see I am listening to mostly white voices of mostly evangelical voices, I can notice (more in next months Creating Space on why I feel challenged to learn from to more diverse voices).
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"The sound is overwhelming so I flick on the fan to drown it out. Sometimes the silence can be too painful to let in so I shut it out. I don’t want to hear it speak."
